Nathan had a heart attack in September 2020. He had stents fitted and a angioplasty and was home within two days. A miracle we thought. He came home with a discharge letter which I read. It said that his chest X Ray and CT scan he'd had at the beginning of the month (for a chest infection that wouldn't clear up) had shown two lesions in his lung. When I asked Nathan why he hadn't told me, he said that he couldn't find the words. Nathan had a cough and had been experiencing back pain for several months which we thought was sciatica. He'd been off work during lockdown and thought he'd spent to much time sitting on the sofa.
After extensive tests and Covid delays for scans and procedures, we got the devastating news mid October than Nathan had Stage 4 incurable Cancer in his lung (Primary) brain, spine and also on his chest wall. Our life and families life changed forever when we were told that they would only be able to give palliative treatment to try and slow down the cancer. By the time Nathan had this diagnosis he had extreme pain in his spine, it was in his bones. He had 6 intensive radiotherapy sessions, large amounts of steroids and morphine tablets and liquid but none of these relieved the pain. More meds were added to the point where he was on over 20 different drugs each day. The side effects were cruel and Nathan suffered every day. He could no longer walk more than a few steps, could not drive and had difficulty sitting too. It was a nightmare seeing him in so much pain every day.
Nathan stopped being able to work after his heart attack in September, as the symptoms from his cancer were really affecting him. I gave up work to look after Nathan full time and my employer was really fantastic and supportive. We both watched lots of Netflix's and spent every minute together.
Nathan had regular calls from our Son's, friends, hospice and doctors and he would always play down just how bad things were. Saying he was okay and it was all looking good. I'd ask him when he came off the phone why he didn't tell people just how horrid things were for him and he said "what's the point, there is nothing they can really do so why worry them" He did tell his son's just how bad things were getting, as he knew that there was no hiding from them.
Nathan had just 2 rounds of chemotherapy and immunotherapy and told us that the tumors were shrinking. He was under the care of Guys Cancer Centre.
Nathan always tried to remain positive and hopeful. He avoided looking ahead and discussing not being here anymore. He never complained and was very easy to look after. He was extremely brave and just got on with it. He turned down offers of counselling and his attitude was what will be, will be.
On the 3rd February I noticed that Nathan had been coughing up blood and seemed slightly confused. He didn't tell me. He had a temperature and his hands had become shaky. After speaking with the acute oncology team an ambulance was called.
Nathan spent 12 days in the Princess Royal Hospital at Farnborough. He was given a range of IV antibiotics to treat pneumonia. He was given Insulin as the steroids he been taking had made him diabetic. He was on oxygen but deteriorated with his breathing. He became very confused, unable to co ordinate eating and drinking. We took it in turns to go in at mealtimes to make sure he had food and drink and checked on his care. Nathan was always pleased to see us and sometimes we'd get a glimmer of hope that Nathan was getting better, we'd have a lovely chat and he'd laugh, but other times he was vacant and not making sense. As the care was not good enough to meet Nathan's needs, we arranged for him to be transferred to St Christopher's hospice.
Once Nathan arrived there the Dr explained that sadly Nathan had only a few days to live. She told us that the cancer had spread and it was very aggressive. They made Nathan very comfortable and relaxed and remained on oxygen. He had no nasty drugs other than pain relief and looked very much a peace and relaxed. He did say a few words to us, but mostly remained asleep other than taking a little bit of ice cream and jelly. We did try to give him a JD and coke but he firmly moved his mouth to the side and said T (his name for me) OFF . He told us he loved us and did wave goodbye.
Nathan passed away peacefully and suddenly at 6.05 am on Thursday 18th February 2021. He had only been at the hospice for a day and a half. We are all so grateful that Nathan had such a peaceful and dignified end, surrounded by kind and compassionate nurses. He had the best ending possible. Both myself and our son's got to spend lots of time with Nathan during the last week of his life. We were lucky to have the opportunity to say all that we wanted to share with each other.
He was so loved and we will miss him always, he will be kept alive in our hearts and memories forever. and always remain an important part of our lives.
A special thanks to Terry Skilton for his visits, support, phone calls, advice and concern for Nathan during his illness. You were there 110% and we will never forget your kindness. Nathan will always be your little brown brother in our hearts.